I feel like white girls be havin’ booties like never before. It’s like everyday I see these young hos growin’ up with bigger and bigger booties. I bet if there wasn’t all this damn hormones in chicken there is no way I’d bee seeing so much white girl booty. You know white girls be eatin’ more chicken than ever these days.
I’m all about eatin’ healthy, I even went vegan recently and I’m getting a six pack for the first time in my big-ass life. But, I can’t help but feel a little grateful for all the meat people be eatin if it is in fact responsible for more ass and titties in my life. That’s why I’m so curious about all this, because at the end of the day, I want my ladies to be fit and healthy.
Is there something behind my theory or do I just have a modern booty bias?
Tryna get to the bottom, if you know what I mean,
PUG aka Demorris
According to recent scientific analyses of meat hormone’s effect on puberty and fatty-tissue growth, your theory definitely carries weight in some of the right places. It seems that female breast and booty size are on the rise and there is definitely a correlation with the rise in meat hormones that are shoved, injected, soaked, and fed to the animals that we slaughter in commercial processing centers and that we then put in our freezers and use in our beloved recipes. But ladies, before you go stuffing your face with KFC just to hopefully fill your curves in proportions that Renaissance-men like PUG find sexually provocative, let us look at the whole picture, because the simple fact is that the FDA allows no hormone use whatsoever in growing and producing chickens. So though meat hormones are likely contributing to the fortuitous societal trend of enlargened boobs and rear-ends, particularly among White Women, chicken hormones likely aren’t contributing to this cultural syzygy.
Most of the good data about chicken’s effect on T&A addresses girls entering puberty earlier than ever. There are also significant studies about the effects of hormone accumulation and imbalance on women’s health in the long term, and all the results point straight to breast cancer, obesity, menstrual irregularities, and heart disease. This early puberty and general imbalance does have the side effect of more voluptuousness among women in most of our immediate surroundings, but the question really is: Do we want more Junk in ladies’ Trunks, especially if cancer, diabetes and other early-onset health hazards will be the direct and menacing result.
A recent academic journal article points out some basic guidelines for healthy hormone levels in women that will allow a woman to attain their best natural physique without the harmful effects of eating a lot of meat. As we mentioned, the thing about chicken is, the FDA has banned hormones in chicken for years, so unless you have gone vegan, like yourself, there is not a significant correlation between eating modern chicken and growing larger booties. The truth is, most booty and breast size is still genetic, and healthy hormones and fitness will bring a woman to her most vibrant and balanced state, which sounds like the kind of woman you want, PUG.
The skinny of this question is that hormones in meat do effect booty size and meat hormones are very likely responsible for the rise in the general White Girl population’s accumulative butt growth throughout at least the last two generations. But after a review of this question with our editorial board, what begged to be asked is whether any of this chicken is being fried, bought at drive thrus, unthawed from a frozen box, or processed with pink slime? Because if the chicken you eat looks anything like the chicken in the following image …
The pink slime secret of processed chicken, great for building booties while shortening their life-spans
… and your booty is getting bigger, you might want to seek other protein sources for the benefit of your life. Though we are not discounting the research that could point the finger for the imbulging hump of White Women squarely on the chin of meat hormones, since the FDA does not allow hormones to be used in raising and producing industrial chicken, we think that chicken should also be viewed “inside the box” as it relates to booty growth, especially if that box came from Church’s Chicken, Chester Fried Chicken, Kentucky Fried Chicken, or your favorite purveyor of grease-soaked, deep fried batter that in this case surrounds chicken. A detailed analysis of the situation is given by a big-bootied KFC establishment owner who, at the urging of Texas Food Revolution, decided to trade in her father’s lineage KFC store for a new restaurant that would feature healthier home cooked food to replace the crap she was selling from her KFC.
This type of leadership that’s willing to stop profiting from selling dangerous fried and processed food — to take a financial risk at selling healthier food — is an example of what abundance can look like without being too much. In the past, we did not have full access to nutritional food or simply didn’t know where to find it, and thus we were not at our peak. Many of us hit the end of the spectrum and became over-fed and over hormoned, and basically, worthless in any situation, whether that be as a leader, a professional, a student, a parent, a child, or anything, really that requires any sort of focus, stamina, acute intelligence, patience, and the list of attributes required to function at a meaningful level goes on and on.
The bottom line is that we can find a balance wherein each of our bodies is at peak nourishment and our breasts and booties are the sizes they are supposed to be.
So keep on your vegan workout mission and we’d love to hear more from you, PUG. Until then, imagine the beanpole of past years, ill-nourished and unempowered in a society long gone that imprisoned beggars, and then think of the recent culture: obese, fake tits, flashy cars that people lease not own, and general over-the-top tendencies; and then, imagine the future: fit, conscious, confident, shining with activity and nutrition. This is the future , PUG, where you will find a bodacious woman whose full curves will not also be exacerbated with the cancerous puss of hormones.
by Captain Boswell and Captain Garza